A change in dynamics

My husband put up a great battle, but the cancer overtook him quickly since July this year. The Esophageal cancer metastasized. He had been through surgeries, chemo and radiation July 2013 through March this year and was cancer free at that point in time. Then in June this year he started having back pains and it turned out a large inoperable tumor had already embedded in his spine near the spinal cord. Too delicate an area to operate near. Then a skull lesion, golf ball sized, with successful craniotomy surgery in August removing that diseased chunk and replacing with a titanium mesh panel. Then blood clots in a leg and lungs meant no chemo for almost a month while treating that life threatening situation.

The cancer was so aggressive, taking that time off for the blood clot situation, I think it just went rampant. Then the doc saw cancer activity in liver and lungs. His body could not take any more chemo and he was on hospice for just a week before he passed away Nov. 29.

He was a partner in the architectural firm he worked for and he was yearning to get back to work and do what he loved. This house is his legacy and was meant for our retirement years together that were going to start now, even though he wanted to keep working. He had only three cancer free months in this house, free of doctors and medicines. We only moved in November 2013. He had not even had a chance to get his office set up and the boxes unpacked, or his woodworking shop completed.

Sometimes I feel I can’t stay here, and sometimes I feel I can’t leave it because we put so much time, energy and effort into the design and build. I’ll not rush into any decisions, and the family’s visits here these next months, to visit, relax and fish in the stocked and overflowing pond, will help me decide what to do. We love nature and the outdoors, and we wanted this place to enjoy that feeling, being on 26 acres surrounded by farmland with cows and horses as our neighbors. Also seeing the deer walk to our pond in the mornings and seeing the great hawks soaring, hearing the coyotes a stones throw away, and the owls on top of our tall metal roof whoo-ing to each other. One day we saw a bald eagle catch a fish from our pond so large he couldn’t fly with it. There are great memories in the short twelve months we had here together, it is just that we had hoped for many more.

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